Hot Mist
by StupidSequel
Summary: Misty gets a new swimsuit that looks so perfect on her that everyone is constantly ogling her, distracting Ash from being a Pokemon Master, and she grows increasingly uncomfortable. She enters a swimsuit competition and proves to be at an unfair advantage, and Ash unsuccessfully tries to stop it. Sort of inspired by the one banned episode with the swimsuit contest.


**Hot Mist/Misty is Hot (I sure love writing Pokemon cracks, don't I?)**

Misty was at Walmart, carefully squeezing past a couple of Zapdoses who had just picked out a Master ball. She was searching for a new swimsuit like she does every summer. She saw one that she really liked. She couldn't believe it. She immediately took it off the shelf and went to the fitting room to try it on. It looked perfect on her. Then she noticed the price tag. $9,999. _Why so much? It's just a swimsuit. _Misty put the swimsuit inside her mouth and walked out of the Walmart store without paying for it. Meanwhile...

"I can't take it anymore!" Ash griped. "I WANNA BE A POKEMON MASTER NOW!"

"Calm down, Ass Ketchum!" Misty scolded. She was wearing her revealing swimsuit that looked so good on her, if you looked at her, it would be literally impossible to take your eyes off of her. "Check out mah new swimsuit. Cute, ain't it?" Ash was so starstruck that he was blushing, speaking in tongues, and drooling at the same time.

"I always believed that you liked challenges and that the journey was always more fun and important than the destination." Ash was too busy staring back and forth between Misty's cute butt and her boobs to pay attention to her lecture.

"Did your boobs just say something to me?" Ash asked, blushing slightly.

"Fuck off!" Misty slapped Ash on the head with her bicycle from episode 1. Ash couldn't take his eyes off the heavenly look of Misty in her swimsuit as she walked away. "I'm going back to Cerulean Gym. I haven't been there since you were ten, Ash. I bet there's a fairly lengthy line of challengers by now." I cannot describe the mystical, Eldritch nature of that particular swimsuit on Misty. Doing so would produce an image in your head that you will want to imagine all the time such that it supersedes everything else, and it just wouldn't be very good for your concentration, so I'm not even gonna try to describe it, just let you, the reader, imagine. I can't even tell you what color it was because whatever color it was has ascended to a higher plane of existence so it doesn't even need to look any particular color. Picture the sexiest thing you've ever seen in your entire life. Misty in her new swimsuit is infinitely more sexier than what you imagined, no matter what it is.

When I say it was impossible to take your eyes off Misty since she looked so good in her new swimsuit, I MEAN IT! It was against Ash's nature to leave the Johto region with the championship (he had all eight badges) and thus being away from being a Pokemon Master just to watch Misty do whatever she does on the basis that she looks good in her swimsuit.

"I need to train for the Pokemon League championship rounds, but that might involve taking my eyes off Misty for a moment, and that's one moment of not looking at Misty I will never be able to get back. Arceus, I wish there was some kind of pill to swallow or button I could push to instantly become a Pokemon Master. I'm in a pickle." He saw his good friend Brock.

"Hi, Ash, what's up?"

"Please block my way with your Onix, pronto! I should not follow Misty!"

"So? Then just don't follow her. You have more willpower than that, don't you?"

"It's not that simple. I think her swimsuit has some kind of mystical curse that disallows me from permanently turning away from it." Brock circled his head with a finger to indicate craziness, face palmed, and laughed.

"Good one. Hey Misty, over here! I was just explaining to Ash that looking away from your hot body is easy as..." Brock turned to her and wolf whistled at Misty. "Never mind. I would rather have my soul sucked by a Shedinja than look away from your hot body for even a moment. If I allowed all the officer Jennys and nurse Joys in the world to die forever, being with your hot body would make up for all that by a long shot." Brock said in a monotone voice. They both followed Misty back to Cerulean gym.

"Brock, Ash, why did you two follow me here?" Misty demanded. "Don't you have a Pokemon tournament to attend now that you have all eight badges?"

"I couldn't turn away from you even for a moment," Ash and Brock said at the same time.

"Uh huh. And you do know that means missing out on the Johto Pokemon league, right?"

"No duh!" Ash spat. "But that doesn't matter because you look perfect enough that it is so Arceus damn impossible to be a Pokemon master now that I cannot turn my gaze away from you." Misty blushed slightly.

"I look that good in my swimsuit, huh? Well then, I might just enter the annual swimsuit contest that James wore those fake boobs in."

Ash and Brock screamed. Sure enough, a super long line of challengers was waiting to battle Misty. A small kid wearing an orange parka muffled something unintelligible, but it was clear from his gaze that he was ready for the cream of the fight. Sorry, thrill.

"You wanna battle me? Well, here goes. Go, Magikarp!" Misty sent out Magikarp.

"Go, Mewtwoceusect!" the orange parka kid sent out Mewtwoceusect. It was a genetic cross between Mewtwo, Arceus, and Genesect. "Destroy that Magi-crap!" Mewtwoceusect could not hear him at all due to his muffled voice, thus could not battle.

"Magikarp, use splash!" Misty ordered. Magikarp used splash. No effect.

"Arceus dammit!" Misty cursed. With the Mewtwoceusect unable to attack due to not being able to understand its trainer and Misty's Magi-crap being worse than useless, it was like a Wobbuffet versus Wobbuffet scenario. The match was a draw. "Oh snap, it's time for the swimsuit competition!" Misty said frantically. Ash, Brock, and the orange parka dude were all members of the "can't take eyes off Misty" club and had to stop Misty from entering the competition or else the entire audience would be following her around forever.

"Misty, stop, you don't know what you're doing!" Ash urged.

"I am gonna win this thing easily and curbstomp the competition!" Misty said with an evil look in her eyes.

"Gotta think of something," Ash came as close to thought as someone without a brain could do, whatever is the equivalent to thinking for someone with no brain is. Ash ran over to where the swimsuit competition was, running backwards so as not to take his eyes off of Misty. Some kind of outdoor venue on a beach, with a stage similar to a modeling catwalk jutting into the audience. "Crap, it's already started." Ash realized. "And I don't have a plan." Just then Ash's worst fear came true.

"Up next, Misty Elsa Vonschwoozen, leader of the Cerulean gym in Cerulean City in Kanto." The announcer said. Ash ran up on stage and before the curtain could open again, Ash ran behind it, holding a knife.

"Time to die, Misty!" Ash's eyes turned red.

"DUDE! I deserve to win this. I have never won anything before in my life. And you are acting like a jelly son of a bitch. If you think killing me is going to help you win, you are mistaken, considering you are a guy in normal peoples' close. And you never officially signed up." Misty ranted.

"Your swimsuit is cursed. Take it off or I will kill you. Your swimsuit is making people not able to look away for long. Do you want the entire audience to follow you around forever?"

"I'm just badass and smokin hot especially for a 64 year old. And maybe I want the attention."

"Beg pardon? You're 64 years old? Nuh uh! You look middle school aged at most."

"Yeah, well it's the truth. I bet I am the only 64 year old in the world who could successfully pass as a 13 year old."

"And here I am STILL TEN YEARS OLD! Go figure," Ash cried whimsically. "I mean, YOU STILL HAVE FRECKLES AND RED HAIR!"

"I said, MISTY, YOU'RE UP. Arceus, are you deaf? If you don't get up on the catwalk and flaunt your sexiness in the next 30 seconds you are disqualified," the announcer scolded.

"I have to find a way for everyone in the audience to not be able to look at Misty. Hey, I know. PIKACHU, USE SMOKESCREEN!" Just before Misty got up on the catwalk, Pikachu used smokescreen. Or he would have if he knew it. Pikachu scratched his head in confusion, and Misty came up on the catwalk, in her revealing swimsuit. Everybody oohed and awed as Misty was flaunting her curves and doing general fashion model-like stuff, whatever that is.

"Okay, the competition is over, we already have our winner!" The judges announced. "Misty Elsa Vonschwoozen

"HEY, that's not fair! The rest of the contestants afterward didn't get to go, and you're just gonna put my millions of hours in the gym and dieting plans to waste?"

"Yeah, this contest is a joke, I call shenanigans!"

"Misty won fair and square." The judge asserted. "Her swimsuit was soooo perfect on her that it was pointless for all the other contestants afterwards to go. Even Arceus himself could not do better. Everyone else gets last place." The other contestants spat in Misty's face, then blushed beet red, even tho they were all girls.

"Heh, I have decided I kinda like the attention I'm getting, where I can effortlessly win contests like this."

One of the other contestants said "I have a boyfriend and I think I'm in love with her."

"Oh yeah? Well I've been happily married to my husband for I have no idea how long, but it was a really long time, and I'm in love with Misty. Might have to ask for his permission to cheat."

Misty entered another swimsuit competition. Same thing happened. She immediately won, and not only was there the current audience, but also the audience from the previous swimsuit competition following her around, as well as the previous contest's contestants.

By the third competition, Misty was beginning to feel a little antsy from all the attention. When she immediately won that without giving the other contests a chance, she finally caught on that something was wrong.

"An easy victory is meaningless. A victory without any sort of struggle gives zero satisfaction." Misty mused. "STOP FOLLOWING ME, BITCHES!"

"No! You're too hot." Someone in the audience called back.

"Fek u faget." Misty retorted. A lightbulb appeared over Ash's head. Ash slapped Misty's butt.

"I slapped your ass, which is sexual harassment (Ash pronounced it like Harris mint) now I want you to put a restraining order on me." Ash insisted. _If I have a restraining order put on me, then I will be forced to not look at her because restraining orders _

"Okay," Misty agreed.

Ash went to court.

"Slapping a woman's butt is a hate crime and carries sexual harassment charges. Given that you are a minor and will probably be one forever, adult charges are not necessary so you are under a restraining order. You are not to go within one million feet of her. If you do, you will be executed." The judge banged the gavel.

"HUZZAH!" Ash jumped up and down ecstatically.

When his restraining order started, he was all the way in Unova while Misty was in Kanto, training to be a Pokemon Master, finally. Ash was getting more and more anxious to the point of not being able to concentrate and couldn't take it anymore. He called Brock on his DumbPhone. "Hey Brock, you're a tech expert, right? I need you to install hidden surveillance cameras all over Cerulean City so I can watch Misty all day every day like the NSA."

"No prob," Brock said. He got to work on installing hidden cameras in every square inch of Cerulean City, and then the entirety of Kanto.

Ash spent 24/7 watching Misty live her normal life, gaining 300 lbs in the process. He had invited everyone in the world except Misty to come watch the Misty show.

After Misty got done shaving and taking her bath, she noticed something unusual near the toilet. Upon further examination, she determined it was a surveillance camera.

"Oh crap, she's catching on," Ash gasped.

Misty ran back to Walmart and bumped into Dupleca.

"Dupleca. Thank Arceus it's you. I bought this swimsuit because I thought it looked good on me but everybody who looks at it cannot stop ogling me no matter what, and I think they've built hidden cameras to spy on me, defeating the purpose of my issued restraining order. I need one of your disguises."

"Did it ever occur to you to, I dunno, TAKE THE DAMN THING OFF AND CHANGE INTO YOUR REGULAR CLOTHES?" Dupleca scolded. Misty stared at her in confusion.

"I dunno how to do that."

"What do you mean you don't know how to do that? Think of how you changed into your swimsuit, and apply the knowledge in reverse."

"No, I mean, there is no button on the Gameboy that is mapped specifically to taking on/off ones' clothes."

"What Gameboy?" Dupleca asked in an equally confused inflection.

"Nevermind." Misty wrote a letter to Nintendo asking them to add an extra button to the Gameboy that would correspond to changing out of her swimsuit.

A few days later, she got a response. They honored her request. Now she could change out of her swimsuit. She threw away her swimsuit in the trash, only for a Lopunny to get into the trash and try it on...


End file.
